one two three fourrrrnication!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
