Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
