i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
