so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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