I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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