Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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