when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
