Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i dont even know how to be here
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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