Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
