just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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