Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
