jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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