I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
