6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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