I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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