i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
