awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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