You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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