at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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