..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
