He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
