Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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