dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
