Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
