im drinking this country out of the recession.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
