Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
