just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
