Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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