Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
