We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
