I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
