Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize