ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
