All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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