Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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