You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
