Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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