please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
