It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
