I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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