I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
