so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
