I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
