I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize