I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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