Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
