problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
