Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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