you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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