Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
