She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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