I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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