I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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