6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
