Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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