How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
