the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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