I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
