You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i believe in u and ur pee
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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