Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
