So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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