I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
