I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
