I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
