I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
