he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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